what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
