i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're too hungover to prance.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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