I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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