i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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