just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
