Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
