fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
