I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize