it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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