I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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