I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
