You smell like stripper and shame
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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