keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
