Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
