Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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