You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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