Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
