Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You may now shotgun with the bride
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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