he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
