she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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