I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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