K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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