So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
