you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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