I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
