Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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