Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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