just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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