I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
