okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
