woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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