if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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