I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
not ubering you a puppy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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