I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
