I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
