I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
