my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
