he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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