i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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