i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
