I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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