I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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