we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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