you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
