Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
