Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
