Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
