Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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