It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
