Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
