my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
