gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
operation harelip BJ is a go
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
