He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
