Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
