at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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