There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
