Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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