But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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