I wanna passion pit in your ass
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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