I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
