i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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