Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had to cum in my sink.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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