Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
