it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
