Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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