so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
