she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
