Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
