sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
