Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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